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Vol 1

Jokes and Stuff - http://members.tripod.com/rintintim/

=====================================
Jokes and Stuff (Tim's Fun Page)
A weekly/bimonthly Newsletter
Vol 1 Issue 1     Date:April 13, 1999
=====================================

Hello, welcome to the first issue of Jokes and Stuff.  We currently 
have 8 members, (including myself) but we hope that this number will
increase so please tell your friends to subscribe by sending a blank
e-mail to rintintim-subscribe@listbot.com Just a little note,  you'll 
receive a newsletter every 1-2 weeks(most likely you'll recieve a 
newsletter a week,  I'll have to see how the list goes (and how busy
I am) since I am just starting.  

Riddle:
If you toss it from the top of a high building it will not break,
but if you throw it into the ocean it will break.
What is it???(answer at the bottom)

Quote of the Week:
"There's a sucker born every minute"
-Barnum, Phines T.


And now on to the Jokes:
*******************************
#1
"Alright, everyone," St. Peter says, "You men, form two
lines -- one line for the men who dominated their women on
earth, and the other line for the men who were dominated by
their women."

They do as they are told.  Peter looks up and sees that the
line of men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles
long.  In the line of men who dominated their women, there
was only one man.

Peter is mad.  "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
God created you in His image and you were all whipped by
your mates.  Only one of you has made God proud during your
journey on earth.  Learn from him!"

Then, addressing the solitary man, Peter says, "Tell the
rest how you managed to be the only one in this line."

"I'm not sure," the man says.  "My wife told me to stand
here."

#2
Manny is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married,
and Manny just dates and dates.

Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the
perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who
suits you?"

"No," Manny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring
them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on
looking!"

"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just
like your dear ole Mother?"

Many weeks go by and again Manny and his friend get together.
"So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your
Mother?"

Manny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother
loved her, they became fast friends."

So do I owe you a Mazel Tov? "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"

"I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"

#3


Carol received a parrot for her birthday.  This parrot was fully grown with
a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive.
Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude.

Carol tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly
saying polite words, playing soft music, anything she could think of to try
and set a good example...

Nothing worked. She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook
the
bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Carol put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments she heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming -
then suddenly there was quiet.

Carol was frightened that she might have hurt the bird and quickly
opened the freezer door.  The parrot calmly stepped out onto Carol's
extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my
language and action and I ask your forgiveness.  I will endeavor to correct
my behavior."

Carol was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask
what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued:  "May I ask
what the chicken did?"

(ususally you'll only recieve 1 or 2 jokes, but since this is the first
issue I'm giving
you a bonus one!!!)
*******************************

Enter This Contest:
One selected winner will receive: One (1) trip for two to Oahu,
 Hawaii (approximate retail value: $3000.00). Package includes:
 Round trip air transportation on United Airlines from selected
 gateways based on availability. 6 days/5 nights accommodations
 provided by the Hawaiian Waikiki Beach Hotel.
http://websponsors.com/cgi-bin/ad_click.cgi?userid=6493&offerid=191

Interesting Facts:
The average human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap. 
More people have a phobia of frogs than rats. 
More people have a phobia of vomiting than death. 
The human brain only accounts for 2% of your body weight, 
but takes up more than 20% of your blood flow. 
The reason people say God Bless you when you sneeze is because your heart
actually stops as long as it takes for you to sneeze. 

Question of the week:
How do you usually greet someone that you know???
Ex. a handshake, saying hello, looking at them funny...
send responses to rintintim@juno.com

Answer to Riddle
Paper - when you toss it in the ocean it breaks apart

Join Cybergold
CyberGold, is the web site that "Pays For Your Attention".  CyberGold
pays you money  to read advertisements on the Internet, fill out surveys,
complete subscription forms, and offers great savings on many consumer
products.  Best of all, membership is free.
http://websponsors.com/cgi-bin/ad_click.cgi?userid=6493&offerid=189

Preview of next week's newsletter:
 - A Joke or two, of course
 -Question - Theme battle of the sexes!!!
 -Expanding your vocabulary
 -Responses (if any, hard to tell with so few members and 
  first issue and all).
 -And Much More

Thank you for being part of the Jokes and Stuff Mailing List.
All Jokes are assumed to be in public domain.
Feel free to forward this newsletter to your friends

**********************************************************************
- Submit your Jokes and Stuff and any comments  or suggestions 
  to: rintintim@juno.com   Please don't send copyrighted works  
  And no dirty jokes or profanity please (keep it PG)
- To Subscribe send a blank e-mail to   
  rintintim-subscribe@listbot.com
**********************************************************************




Jokes and Stuff - http://members.tripod.com/rintintim/

=====================================
Jokes and Stuff (Year one - The Beginnings) 
A weekly/bimonthly Newsletter 
Vol 1 Issue 2     Date:April 20, 1999 
=====================================

We currently have 42 members, not bad for the second week!!!!  I hope to
get to 1000 members by the end of this 
May, so tell your friends to subscribe by sending a blank E-mail to
rintintim-subscribe@listbot.com.   We are also offering an incentive for
webmasters if they tell people to subscribe, look on the bottom of this
page for details.  Well now onto the fun stuff...

Quote of the Week:
"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve
disorder" 
-Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention 

And now on to the Jokes (gender jokes):
*******************************
#1
As a senior at St. Cloud State University in Minnesota, I often engage
women psychology majors in heated discussions about male-female 
relationships.  Once, my friend Shelly and I got into a hot debate about
whether men or women make the larger sacrifice of their respective
gender characteristics when they get married.  To my surprise, Shelly
agreed with me that men give up far more than women.
"You're right, Steve," she said.  "Men generally give up doing their
cleaning, their cooking, their grocery shopping, their laundry."

#2
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, 
she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, 
amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes
glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered in his ear.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib 
like that for only $46.50!"

#3
I watched a man rush onto our plane at the last minute before takeoff. He 
spotted one of the few empty seats on board and silently sat down. 

Later that night, though, he seemed bothered as the woman next to him 
fidgeted and got up frequently to use the bathroom. 

Still, the man never uttered a word. Feeling sorry for him, I quietly
asked 
if he would like to move to another seat.

"My wife's been annoying me for 20 years," he said with a chortle.
"There's 
no sense in separating us now."
*******************************

Expanding your vocabulary
Instead of calling someone just plain stupid, call them a: 
dunce, blockhead, booby, chump, dimwit, dodo, dolt, dope, duffer, dullard,
dumbbell, dummy, featherweight, goof, hammerhead, idiot, ignoramus, moron,
mug, mutt, nim wit, noddy, noodle, numskull, oaf, pinhead, poke, prune,
pumpkin head, simpleton, turnip, or a zombie instead.

???This weeks Question???
Which is the superior sex (males, females or are they both equal), and
why???
(use examples or facts to back up your position, up to 3 responses per
side will be posted).

Last weeks Question of the week:
How do you usually greet someone that you know???
(Ex. a handshake, saying hello, looking at them funny)
And the Response(s):
I say hello and make some type of personal joke.
-INFO Mike

Sign up for:
Alladvantage, where you get paid 50 cents/hour for surfing the web, go to:
http://www.alladvantage.com/go.asp?refid=AOJ220
To sign up (no age restrictions).

More Interesting Facts:
Males sweat 40% more then females.
7 in 10 Americans have some kind of fear of the dark. 
More people have a phobia of vomiting than death. 
The human brain holds between 1 and 7 terabytes (1 and 7 million
megabytes) of data.

Sites to visit
http://www2.arkansas.net/~mlmm/ - INFO Zone (1)
For details on how to get your site posted up here go to the bottom of 
http://members.tripod.com/rintintim/news.htm
We're limiting this to 4 sites per an issue for now).

Thank you for being part of the Jokes and Stuff Mailing List.
All Jokes are assumed to be in public domain.
Feel free to forward this newsletter to your friends
 O  
/|\
/ \
**********************************************************************
- Submit your Jokes and Stuff and any comments  or suggestions 
  to: rintintim@juno.com   Please don't send copyrighted works  
  And no dirty jokes or profanity please (keep it PG)
- To Subscribe send a blank e-mail to   
  rintintim-subscribe@listbot.com
**********************************************************************





Jokes and Stuff - http://members.tripod.com/rintintim/

===========================================
Jokes and Stuff (Year one - The Beginnings) 
A weekly/bimonthly Newsletter 
Vol 1 Issue 3  Date:April 27 ,1999 
===========================================
We currently have 85 members,  Please tell your friends to send a blank
e-mail to rintintim-subscribe@listbot.com in order to subsrcibe

Quote of the Week:
"Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life." 
-Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields 

And now on to the Jokes (blonde jokes)
*******************************
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.

How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
There'll be white-out on the screen.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off of a cliff.

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.

Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes Go In First.

What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
Artificial intelligence.

What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
I'll go and call 911, what's the number?

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a pack of M&M's and ask her to alphabetize them.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.

What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory?
Proofreading.
--
A blonde goes into an appliance store looking for a tv. After
a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman. "I want
to buy this television," she says. The salesman replies, "Sorry, we
don't serve blondes here." She gets mad, leaves and goes home.
She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store. "I want to buy this
television." she says to the salesman, getting the same response;
"Sorry miss, we don't serve blondes here." She leaves again, frustrated.
She goes home and proceeds to shave her head, eyebrows and all, leaving
no visible trace of blonde hair on her head. Upon returning to the store,
she once again approaches the salesman. "Sir, I would like to purchase
this television, and I don't want any problems." To which the salesman
replies, "Sorry Miss, we don't serve blondes." Fed up with this, she
cries, "How can you tell that I am blonde? I have dyed my hair and
even resorted to shaving my head!" To which the salesman replied, "Well,
Miss, that television you are trying to buy is a microwave!"
--
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a 
medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have 
it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde.
I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
--
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. 
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The 
blonde looked up and said, Where?
*******************************

Learning the most important phrase to know when traveling in 6 different
languages:
Englsih: Where's the bathroom?
French: Ou est la salle de bains? 
German: Wo ist das Badezimmer? 
Italian: Dove e la stanza da bagno? 
Portuguese: Onde esta o banheiro? 
Spanish: Donde esta el cuarto de bano? 

???This weeks Question???
Are blondes really dumber than everyone else?

Last weeks Question of the week:
Which is the superior sex (males, females or are they both equal), and why?
And the Response(s):
The superior sex is neither nowadays because women are getting more and
more rights.
-Alien61122

Enter the free iMac. computer sweepstakes, just go to:
http://websponsors.com/cgi-bin/ad_click.cgi?userid=6973&offerid=160

Sites to visit
http://www2.arkansas.net/~mlmm/ - INFO Zone (2)
For details on how to get your site posted up here go to the bottom of 
http://members.tripod.com/rintintim/news.htm

Thank you for being part of the Jokes and Stuff Mailing List.
All Jokes are assumed to be in public domain.
Feel free to forward this newsletter to your friends
**********************************************************************
- Submit your Jokes and Stuff and any comments or suggestions 
  to: rintintim@juno.com   Please don't send copyrighted works  
  and keep jokes at a PG rating please.
- To Subscribe send a blank e-mail to   
  rintintim-subscribe@listbot.com
**********************************************************************
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